consumer

sometimes I feel like I would be better off dead than alive in a big picture way

I don't think

I'll ever be a good writer
everything I write
I can't stand to look at
after a while

and I'm not just talking about words

drawer

There is a drawer in a dresser.
In a room where everything is dusty and smells like neglect
and the fire breathing furnacedragon hisses watch your step!
this drawer is full of~
paper, plastic, tin, oak, some odd shapes lots of flats
(letters,photos,drawings,empty packages,notes,signs) [stories,hearts,souls,love,anger,apology,guilt,smiles,
laughs,tearsdry,hellos,goodbyes,goodnights,good-nights]
{lifetimes}
In twenty years
I have collected cataloged and stored
entire people
entire (me)s
[who look like me... sort of, the fingerprints will match if anything]
{(me)s who are gone/re/tucked in/tossed out/moved over/moved where}


I could be twenty
I could be four

I sometimes have trouble remembering
not things
they are in the drawer, they are taped sealed
how it was to be
(me)

I don't know...

a thougt

If there is honor among thieves,

the Ego is a self assuring monster

cooking up justice with some law

That is as ridiculous and serious

As all law is.

but really,

We are all just looking for acceptance

moth

It's that slow roll up

like when you put on a song you have never hear before.
But you know- be it artist credit or those higher knowing says or just raw turning gut
you know this song is going to get it- get there- blow up - blow away - take you with it
and it and it's slow dropping hints and it gathers and billows and builds and swells but leaks too, Never obvious to bore but bares form as it picks up speed - picks up beat - pick you Now it's in us and it's reaching the point the peak where although never promised you know, you know because you are skating slipping on it you know it's going to break over you through you it's going to be... the best song ever. It slows down just long enough to hold your breath eyes squeezed

and then...

I've done that all my life up

Looking back on entries posted in my livejournal dating to about only a year ago I am amazed at my discomfort. It is all too difficult for me to sympathize forget about empathize! Something happened, it might have been metamorphosis but more like a shift. Here is where I start to work up worries. I feel more confident in my my world than ever before, what will I be sitting thinking of this veiw a year from now? Does the changing stop or slow? Or do I just keep r o l l i n g

hm
this blog sure is a mish mash of odd things some personal some where I am a speck

Can I Da

BRB!

Taking a bit of time to exist outside of all the "me" that is not me.